People who cannot just take what is freely given.

My mom pushes. She cannot take what you freely offer. She has to push for more, whether it is more cleaning, more tutoring, more sympathy.....  MORE, MORE, MORE!!!! WHY does she do that?!!!!! Grrr!

Not exactly pissed tonight.... more moderately peeved.

Probably medical science can't really do much for arthritis, but I wouldn't freaking know, due to lack of insurance.  I am hurting, swollen, and practically incapacitated. I wish I could afford to see a doctor. I think health care should be provided to everyone. If that makes me a communist, or a socialist, so be it. I'd be glad to work and get insurance if that was possible. No one will hire me. Losing weight would help. I'm trying, and I know this.  I try to keep moving, on the "Bigmom said keep moving or you'll get 'stove up'" principle.  

That's pretty much it. Sick and tired. How original.

The face of evil.......

I have little to say tonight. I am pissed about several things, many of which do not have to do with me. But I will say people need to stop fucking with my friends. I don't LIKE it, and I wish a couple of people would fall down and hurt their knees tonight. I can handle that much karma. 

Before those people, significant others of people I care deeply about, pissed me off, I'd only intended to make a brief entry anyway.  I'm going to try and get some sleep. 

A word about the face of evil.  I think it looks a lot like you and me, but inside it lurks the sexual predator. The sexually motivated signature killer, commonly referred to as a serial killer, yes agreed.  Those men, for they are mostly men, deserve death, for the good of society. But I think there is another brand of evil that equally deserves death.  ANYONE WHO COMMITS ANY SEXUAL ACT WITH A PRE-PUBESCENT CHILD (who is not another child near that child's age). One can argue semantics of the age of consent about a teenager, and willingness or lack thereof. HOWEVER, a child prior to puberty is not truly a sexual being UNLESS he or she sees the face of evil, often in the form of someone supposed to love and care for him or her.  These people destroy children's childhoods, and cripple their emotional lives FOREVER. Therapy can only do so much for these little victims, and it can do NOTHING for the vile perpetrators. These rabid dogs should be put out of OUR misery. Even castration is too good for them.  

Lying McLiarpants, or Am I Just an Idiot?

On my old blog, I posted an excellent entry asking why it is that men only have a passing acquaintance with the truth.  I know that I should not assume anything about EVERYONE, or even every man. When I meet an honest man, I will possibly accept his existence.  If he's got, you know, like a pulse and a driver's license, and is, in fact, a verifiable human, and not an elf or something. My good friend, Micheal Mann (NOT the director!), seems to be an honest man. In grade school, I learned that exceptions prove the rule.

This entry's mental health fact: BPD is focused on relationships, and my particular obsession is one that many millions of "normal" people share, that of finding a significant other.  However, with my illness comes a terrifying fear of abandonment.

Here is, I guess, the point I am making.  I have been with 2 of the many men in my life, TWICE. Both of these men, the first time around, did some of the WORST damage to my self esteem that ANY men have ever done. However, I was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, KNOWING that they were Lying McLiarpants, and that they had ABSOLUTELY no compunction about hurting me. This is the ultimate case of "fool me twice, shame on ME!" because, of course, predictably, BOTH of them screwed me over again.  

What I thought was a rant at the mendacity of men, has become a wondering question, instead. Of course, I am not supposed to hold what these men did against ALL men, but against THEMSELVES?  I certainly should have. Trust should be earned, and those who betray it once will surely do so again. How far am I willing to go to earn the love of someone, regardless of whether they are worthy of me. Hopefully, not this far, ever again. 

What in the hell am I blogging about?

I have no idea what I used to blog about. Well that is not entirely true, I could get on my Live Journal, and see. It still exists, after all. The question should be why start a new blog, when I share my entire life on Facebook daily. 

I'm thinking I may vent here. Just plain complain, about anything that is bothering me that day.  I guess this is a warning. I currently only have one follower, and she listens to me complain ALL THE TIME, but if anyone else wanders by, this should serve as a heads-up. THERE WILL BE WHINING OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!!!!!

So, what's bothering Jenx today?

What you maybe need to know to understand this entry is that I am mentally ill.  I have Borderline Personality Disorder. If you have an interest: http://www.bpdcentral.com/, these are very helpful people.  Long diagnosis short, it's kind of like having second degree burns all over, only emotionally. 


What pisses me off today is the lack of available mental health care for the uninsured. Did I mention that includes me? If you are homeless you can get help, but otherwise, you are pretty well screwed. The process of LOOKING for help is incredibly tedious, and I can only assume having to do this is even more difficult with an illness. I've never tried to do it sane, but then, I have never been sane. 


What's even sadder about this is that we've now been told we CAN get better. After YEARS of therapists refusing to work with us, and feeling hopeless, we read this: http://articles.latimes.com/. What is supposed to be hopeful is perhaps MORE depressing, because I could get better, if I could find someone to treat me. 


Where is my Dr. Wilbur?